High Heels and Training Wheels: A Beautiful Legacy
A Beautiful Legacy
First, let me start by apologizing for my absence. I have definitely been neglectful of the blog. Going back to school has made a lot of things much more difficult...not just in terms of time management. Going back to school, for me, isn't just the start of another semester and adding more responsibility to my plate, it's continuing a goal I set for myself with the immense help of my grandma. Starting this first semester without her has been more difficult than I imagined. Without her, I'm realizing all the parts of my life she has touched and how much of my accomplishments I owe to her. Continuing without her is a daily struggle for me. 5 months later, I'm still trying to figure out how I feel and how to move forward. It's not always easy.
For those of you who are new to the blog, you may not know that I lost my grandma in April...
She had pancreatic cancer which is a very cruel and unkind disease. For the past year, I had immersed myself in her care and spent every second I could with her. My family and I moved in with her and rearranged our lives around her. My daughter benefited from this so much and made an unbreakable connection with my grandma that she will be able to carry for a lifetime. But for anyone who has ever lost a loved one in this way, who has ever watched someone they love whither away in front of your eyes, you know there is still no way to prepare yourself for losing them. No matter how much time you have with them, it is never enough. There is no easy way to accept their passing. No matter how inevitable it may be.
For me, it was much more than just losing a loved one, it was losing a way of life. This amazing woman has played a major hand in the woman I am today. This amazing woman has been a part of every aspect of my life and touched every moment of it. She wasn't just a grandmother; she was a mentor, an educator, a support system, a friend. She wasn't just the type of grandma I saw on holidays and received the yearly birthday card from; she was someone who held my hand through all of the bad times and cheered me on through all of the good.
The greatest gift she has given me is knowledge. Yes, she taught me how to bake a pie and plant a garden but I'm talking about knowledge of life. She spent my lifetime educating me on what's important in life; on how to be happy and that I am good enough just by being myself. She taught me to not let my mistakes define me but to use them as stepping stones and to learn from them. She always knew I could be better, even when I didn't. She believed in me, even when I couldn't. Her favorite poem is Desiderata. And growing up, I read the words and knew what it meant but since her passing, I now understand them. I also understand that she spent her lifetime trying to live by these words and tried to impart them on me. So many of her lessons are here in these simple words.
It is my goal to continue on this path to being the best woman I can be; the woman she knew I could be. It is my goal to live my life by these words, the same way she did. It is my goal to share this wisdom with my children, the way she shared it with me. To carry on her light and pass it on. She may not be here in person any longer, but she will always be here within me. She never left. So I'm sharing some of her with you now. May you gain some of the strength and wisdom I have from these words. May you choose a fulfilling and happy life, because it is a choice we can all make.